JUDGE SLASHES FEES SOUGHT BY ATTORNEY

NYLJ 5-25-07

2. JUDGE SLASHES FEES SOUGHT BY ATTORNEY


2. Just to show you that attorney’s exorbitant fees are not limited to just their clients, when given the opportunity they’ll even overcharge themselves.

Take Mr. Varick, Esq., and his action against the IRS. Pretty easy to root for him, sure—lesser of two evils, even if you have a grudge. However, when Justice Acreage gave him leave to seek financial redress for the cost of the action—mind you, not yet punitive damages—Varick the litigant pro se was presented with an invoice from Varick, Esq., for the whopping sum of $21,206.

The unusual ruling came out of the challenge from the IRS that all circuits had unanimously come down against awards to pro se litigants, but, as the US Court of Appeals 2nd had never expressly ruled against attorney’s acting on their own behalf, Judge Acreage decided it was time to give the IRS a taste of its own medicine. But even Acreage wasn’t ready for that big of a dose.

The justification of the justice was USC Section 7430(c)and 2412(d)(1)(b) that permits fee awards to attorneys who’ve prevailed in cases, who did not unnecessarily drag out proceedings and who can show opponent’s positions were “not substantially justified.” When Acreage tallies up the bill he sees 25.1 hours for photocopying, filing and clerical tasks—not exactly fertile ground for that plow, even if it were a John Deere. His “failure to maintain contemporaneous time records, lumping of tasks, vague descriptions of services performed,” all come under the aegis of “troubling”. This is without including his rising rates, from $150phr in 2003, $160phr for 2004, $170phr for 2005—you get the picture?—and modest ones, by most accounts, including a CPA’s.

Also, by this factor (and for a number of them, for that matter) it would be a legitimate to ask if he did anything else during these periods and, if so, where does he draw the line between counsel Varick and client Varick? Certainly, he is a more-than-generous advocate, with his time; returning every phone call, each fax, and the volumes of motion papers he doubtlessly manufactured from scratch…

It took Acreage to remind Varick that he could just as easily disallow the entire award and offered him $125 an hour as the closing cost.

He must’ve felt like Monty Hall.

CHARNEY, S&C FIND SUPPORT FOR SUIT CLAIMS and EX-ASSOCIATE ADDS CLAIMS TO COMPLAINT

(this one is a double-entry, double-header)

NYLJ 5/1/07

2. CHARNEY, S&C FIND SUPPORT FOR SUIT CLAIMS
4. PROFIT TOPS $2 MILLION AT 15 MAJOR LAW FIRMS

2. Security arrives as your escort--a pair of beeves in blue and the butthead in the polyester jacket--and if you think anyone is going to help you carry out your own banker's box of personal possessions, you'd best not wait for the offer. Good thing you left the luggage caddy behind the door; aren't bungee cords marvelous things? Then, it's time to take that final walk, don’t look left or right and forget about any bridges. Those not burned outright to charred planks and smoldering stanchion wouldn’t support much more than temping on the q.t., and under the table. If anyone does cross your path, don't single them out for goodbyes, unless you want to put them on the slow track, if not for a similar exit.

Later, they would paint this passage in a different light, as if you were looking for one more bit of evidence, blackmail, forgotten photocopy discarded in the recycling bin...leverage. Later, they would ask: did you take the memos and leak secrets or was it merely common knowledge, arranged in a provocative manner? And you could get the opportunity to ask for clarification: What do you mean by provocative, like a flash of lace at the edge of her skirt or that extra button undone on his shirt?

Funny, isn’t it, how the default reference is always best? Breeder flirting must always take precedence over queer. We always have to deal with innuendo over contact, and context, or the potential stare. That way, if it goes the wrong way, at least you have some maneuvering room—like Oh? Well! And other such CYA options. Why are women flattered when other women come onto them and men grow deadly? All it means is: I find you attractive. Not: Do you find me attractive?

Pass the partner’s office with a wide berth, as if to say: Don’t let me accidentally pick up a vibe! Please! As if that was a classified document purloined from the central vault. Like it wasn’t sitting in the copier trash bin when I came through? Perhaps the pro se was the wrong way to go; a fool for a client, right. Another eye would've told you the complaint overshot the mark. Alright, ok--and then you could've shot back--But no less than the Answer with counterclaim! And then you'd be here anyways...

Judge Schoenstein was right, however: neither one of us was acting from a contractural position as much as a matrimonial one—locked into our death struggle of hate, no consideration of the welfare of the children, community property or joint tax filings...so to speak. You should have seen that including contracts was out of line, just as they should have realized attorney/client privilege and confidentiality can’t be extended to the work place farther than harm to a client’s case or ongoing business interests. And fiduciary? Your duties end when they say your services are no longer required.

NYLJ 5/22/07

1.EX-ASSOCIATE ADDS CLAIMS TO COMPLAINT

1. You appreciate a dismissal without prejudice like a gift of a second chance. Pro Se is the only way to go when you want a fool for a client. A second chance also means a second opinion, and even a third. Get the whole picture, even if you got to get someone who knows how to pry alimony out of a rancorous dispute.

"Just start with a settlement meeting", was the first piece of good advice from the divorce specialist in your barbershop trio, if you like: the amicable splitter, the acting coach, and the Torah thinker. "Right," #2 says, setting the stage for testimony. "It was the ugly results of that head-butting which forced you to destroy your hard-drive," neatly answering their new counterclaim, how sweet. "So then we can add in intimidation and a conspiracy to discredit you to make it all into one grand mishegoss," says your spiritual advisor.

Then you have the weight of the evidence and the lack of evidence to contend with. They can allege all they want you were having a inter-office affair with another associate. "And that only digs the hole deeper,” is the matrimonial perspective. "But without incriminating photos or phone taps, it ain’t even He Said He Said for the partners against the two fehgeleh boys," the rabbi's slight slight being no more than stating the obvious, you guess.

"It’s better than that. When one of the boys gets told he either cops a plea or gets deported back to Mexico, that’s coercion. And when he happens to have been responsible for firing the firm’s ex-attorney, who now has field an affidavit saying no such discussion ever took place and the meeting regarding that destroyed hard drive—" for Mr. Theater, the scene come together.

"Mare’s nest," pipes in the expert in entanglements.

“Meshuggah," affirms the Sage of West End Avenue. "And trafe too."

With a team like this, you could take the highway, Broadway, or the Temple Mount.